Tired

After a long day's work, all I wanted to do was to go home, change, dun think and juz fall asleep. BUT of coz does my mum allow me to do tt...nooooooooo of coz not...before I fall asleep she muz of coz give me material to think! Why are you home late? (it was btw not even 10) Dun you remember its a Wednesday? (a day I promised her tt I will accompany her to the mosque every week but I sort of forgot, I swear I totally forgot) Blah blah blah blah. Apparently by not coming home early DESPITE informing her before hand and explaining why, I have turned into a disappointment and so there I lay on my bed unable to sleep even though I was dead tired (and they wonder why I get chest pains all the time). Oh and wat a surprise, the pains came back for a visit. Talk about not being understanding, my parents can be the poster face of parents that do not understand their children. I am not asking for them to leave me alone totally...all I ask is try and make an attempt to get to know me, get to know what I really go through during the day or juz simply letting me be when you see me dragging my feet into the house instead of nagging all the time. Stop trying to mould me into the person they want me to be! Dun you see the more you try to force your ideologies the more you are loosing me! Damn I am tired, I am so tired of trying to stay afloat. I wish I can juz stop trying and juz drown than maybe they'll finally see the consequences of their actions. It scares me sometimes how when I wake up, the first thought that comes to my head is, 'Dammit I'm awake'. Been feeling this way lately...had the same thought each morning for the past 3 days now. Some says that if you are have thoughts of disliking life you no longer have faith. What defines no faith aniwes... I know I still do, I still seek his guidance and blessing in everything I do (of coz lah not everything I do is right....DUH!) but bottomline at the end of the day he is the one I turn to in time of need and in times where I know I hv been blessed. So how do I get rid of this not celebrating life feelings.... damn I'm tired...I really am tired of my life...