The Unknown

Today was a pretty confusing day for me. I have no idea why but this particular thought kept wondering in my head:

How can we really, truely, abosultely know somebody?

For awhile I entertained this thought...literally brainstorming for ideas in my head (talk about applying what you learn in school hahahah!) but each time I come up with a promising answer, it will be offsetted by a logic that will turn up seconds after. After abt five minutes, I began to have a sinking feeling in my stomach...I gave in, I gave up, I surrender...there is no way in hell can you know anyone that way! Be it friends, family or foe....

Minutes after that realisation, I began to panic...ok ok ...this is a bit the exaggerated lah...I didnt panic maybe a bit anxious lah...Who can I trust? Who deserve my trust? Then I thought about those people whom I think I trust...the list went on pretty long and I felt better BUT then I also began thinking about the times that people whom I had trusted....had BROKEN that trust. I immediately plunged back down to the cold sinking feeling of being alone in the world.

Despite being my parents' daughter for 24yrs now, there were still times that I will hear a news about something that would either amaze me or shock me....I was with the same guy for five whole years and I only learnt of his true self at the end of the relationship...I have made assumptions of people, only to be proven wrong years down the road...

Hell! I myself have put up fronts...I doubt anyone know the true me ...not my parents, not my buddies, not the guy I am in love with. Do they truely know what I mean when I say "Its ok?" or "Ya, I am fine"...For god sake come to think of it I think I myself dun know who the hell I am ...I am so freaking lost in this world of mine...the only thing I see as having directions are my assignments! So who can we trust? Who can we depend on?

If you have an answer please do tell me, coz I have no clue....Dun wanna live in fear or live in distrust but how can we trust if we dun know whats behind thats smile whats behind that grin whats behind that hug or kiss or whatever....sigh...depress now! Bloody hell!