Females & Break ups

After much thought and analyzing as well as some reflecting (erm since I went through a break up recently as well...*sigh*) I have conluded that females will go through SIX different stages before they finally are able to move on. This stages however do not have a stipulated time period as it varies in accordance to the the length of the failed relationship, amount of money one has, the type of friends/family they are surrounded by and the "thing" that takes up most of the individual's time, like SCHOOL!

1. The first stage may or may not happen...which is DENIAL. Heart broken females dun usually remain long at this stage...why? Well its kind of hard to ignore the fact that the guy no longer entertain your calls or no longer calls you or no longer meet you ...Like abit the DUH rite if you r THAT blind! Females being females will have the tendency to have the mentality that maybe he juz need some time alone and that he will be back to his old "lovable" self once he has thought things through and realize that SHE is THE one for him. Despite repeated occurance, we females WILL for god knows why, forget that males DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT think much! (Angibie and I have even came up with a logical theory behind this phenomenon: When blood flows to the brain, the dick wont work. When blood flows to the dick, the brain wont work...and since gravity pulls everything downwards....."poor" men). At this stage, broken hearted females will keep every tini bit of info about her relationship to herself. If before she blabbers on and on about her relationship ... at this point she will remain silent about it for fear that by verbalizing whats been going on, the break up will REALLY happen!
2. At stage two....depression or near depression will set in. This is where reality would have SLAPPED the heart broken females in the face. These females will start neglecting EVERYTHING...her looks, her health, her work, her finances (as in she will BUY a whole bunch of stuff in the attempt to make herself happy!), her family blahblah. Usually, there will be like ALOT of crying, wailing, sleeping, puking, screaming, etc. Sound scary huh? What can I say, we women are juz too god damn emotional for our own good. Here, broken hearted females will make endless phone calls to her bestest buddies and act like she had drunk the 'tell the truth' serum. EVERY single detail of the past few weeks or months or years will be told to these buddies of hers. At the begining, buddies will try to comfort the broken hearted fren by saying that things are not as bad as it seems and that there is STIll a freaking possibility that he might return to her (This particular information however does not register into the head of the wailing babe as she KNOWS that it is OVER!) However a week or so into listening to all the wailing and crying and sudden outburst of screams, these buddies will change their strategy to "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH YOU WOMAN! SUCK IT UP ALREADY!" When the broken hearted females see that even her friends seem to be bailing on her, she will cry even harder claiming that no one understands her BUT BUT becoz no on is there to "baby" her, slowly, anger will set in.....................
3. Now this is where the broken hearted females will move on to stage THREE. Basically only ONE emotion is involve at this point of time. ANGER! Anger at basically everything..herself, her friends, her family, her work and most of all her god damn EX for reducing her to such a state where there is so much mess in her life that she have no freaking idea where to start cleaning up. Here, being alone will be better for both her and the people around her. It would even better if she has something to focus on like school....the only outcome of her efforts will be excellence as the coping strategy here was to distract onself as much as possible can (which I unfortunately do not have as it was the freaking HOLIDAYS! Dammit!)...plus at this stage, the broken hearted females will have no desire what so ever to contact her EX...as in she will not care whether he dies or fall sick or get into an accident or even starts dating another gal. Even friednships and familiship will be strained and all that matters was HERSELF. Sometimes if the the newly born BIATCH is not careful the damage done during this period will be too much that no degree of repair can reverse it.
4. Being bitchy can be very addictive...come on who wouldn't want to do whatever one please without feeling any guilt...HELLO! Thats HEAVEN! But being bitchy can lead to loneliness...no no no ...not loneliness becoz she does not have a guy in her life...loneliness becoz all her friends and family members are all avoiding her either due to anger or for fear that they may get their head bitten off! Once realisation sets in...transition to stage four will be completed and the new biatch will start blaming herself for everything even for the failure of the relationship! At this stage, the new BIATCH will mellow down and transform back into her almost old self. (Why do I say almost...well being bitchy tend to bring about independence and with independence comes love for freedom of space). Here, the mellowed biatch will make all attempts to correct all the bads that she had ever done for the past few months...LIKE beg around and say sorry to her family members and all her buddies whom she may have offended along the way. Oooo oooo also at this stage the heart broken females are very compliant as in she is open to suggestions...so those close buddies out there if you wanna matchmake your heartbroken galfrens.....look out for THIS stage! (PS: Guilt tripping is a VERY VERY effective tool here!)
5. Now...depending on whether one of the matchmaking episodes are successful or not...this part may or may not happen. If she DID find a guy in stage four than GOOD for her! ... If she did get hooked but it failed ...she will be disappointed but NOT heartbroken..and if she juz come across jerks after jerks after jerks then she will be PISSED OFF! At this stage the mellowed BIATCH will unmellow and return to anger mode...only this time...anger will only be towards the MALE SPECIES!Not only will she be very feministic but also fucking revengeful! There will be absolutely be no form of crying here...be it in form of sadness or happiness...here broken hearted females juz want to castrate the MEN of their manhood! (Erm this is of coz impossible lah...its not worth us woman's freedom for others to symphatize wit a dude witout a dick aniwes)
6. Ok finally the very last stage of all that would either MAKE the woman or Destroy here......at the SIXTH stage, the woman can go two ways...ONE, remain a man hating biatch and never again get into a relationship...TWO adopt a heck care attitude and basically get on with her life without explicitly expecting someone to sweep off her feet....the latter of coz is more desirable like COME ON...who needs MEN to make sure that WE woman can find success and happiness in life...helloooooo MONEY can soooo do that for ya! Hahahhahah! Kidding kidding.... Now seriously if there is someone out there...he will turn up someday...no need to constantly wait by the phone or jump onto any Tom, Dick or Harry that comes by. Juz remember never to make the man into YOUR LIFE...coz if not ...if he takes himself out of the picture...ur life will be empty...If he desreve you ...you will know it.....(Warning: At the begining of this last stage, there may be sudden out of the blue anixiety attacks or shld I say saddness attack...rarely happens but no worries it doesnt last long...a few hrs at most ..nothing that tons of chocolates and ice-cream can't cure)
   

For a woman to be able to go through all this six stages...and still keep her sanity intact...most of the time she will come out stronger...like they say...once bitten twice shy....Hip Hip Hooraaaay! GIRL POWER! Hmmmm......from my own personal experience...yesh I am stronger....and yesh I do have like a large increase in the number of clothes, shoes, bags etc....and dammit! I am broke! Man break ups are freaking expensive!