Depression, AGAIN???

Dun know what is wrong with me today but I seem to be on an emotional rollar coaster ride...I was happy earlier in the day coz today was my kuzin bro's engagement...I got a little irritated during the day coz people kept asking me "When is your turn" (as in when is it my turn to get engage), am I working or schooling, when I graduate, kept telling me that I am so big now (Like harlow what do you expect! That I remain small while you yourself grow?) and ooo ooo ooo the most irritating question, "Where is your dad?" (Do I look like his personal assistant!). ENDLESS you know!!!!! Then in the evening...I got sad (I cried!)...you wanna know why...becoz of a documentary which my dad told me to videotape for him and you know whats funny...I only watched it for less than 5 minutes!

The documentary is about the bombing of Hiroshima. For that 5 minutes of viewing, it happened to be the part where the god damn plane drop the god damn nuclear bomb which barely took 50 seconds to explode and destroy an entire city filled with thousand of innocent people! The show of course had to show people staring up at the sky...THAT was the ultimate man...that was sad!

Though it was a re-enactment but still there is definately a HIGH possiblity that at least ONE out of thousands of the people who died , saw the god damn bomb falling towards the ground. I wonder what went through his/her mind at that moment ...poor soul (Damn you Americans!). Described by a survivor, at first all he saw was a bright white light (da irony, white light usually links to purity, blah blah and everything nice), so bright that it seem to penetrate to the core of the brain. When he turned away from it he heard a loud sound followed by the feeling of being surrounded by hot air...(according to him, every exposed skin of his felt hot). When he turned back he saw the famous (not then lah...now) mushroom-like smoke which is surrounded by a black ring of smoke which was rapidly moving towards the direction of his house (BTW he lives pretty far away from where the bomb actually dropped...like seriously far...surrounded by huge hills, mountains and trees). When the black ring of smoke hit his house he was flung like a freaking rag doll across the house (oh did I mention that beside him was his daughter, sleeping!).
This horrifying scene was followed by interviews of some of the people directly invovled in the bombing aka idiotic American Pilots or whatever...one actually said this "The mission was a success, the relief we felt was something you can never understand" ( Not sure if this was the exact phrase but its roughly along that line)...WHAT THE HELL! Relief??!! From killing thousands of innocent people? And and success?? Its amazing how one can set KILLING as the agenda of his freaking day! But what saddens me most is not all that I mentioned...its the realisation that today, now...the world have turned even more cruel, more unfriendly, more dangerous and more powerful. If that amount of destruction can be caused yyyyyyyeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrsssssss ago, imagine how much destrcution can one LAME country cause TODAY! With all the advancement in technology and amount of money blah blah blah! A sneak preview would of course be 9/11......

In addition, not only do we need to fear the capabilites of men in the area of destruction, we also need to worry about the capabilities of Mother Nature of causing all this destruction as well!!! Look at what happen with the tsunami and the never ending earthquakes thats happening everywhere!!! But hey, that's nature, there is NOTHING we can do about that but we sooooooooo can do something about what WE, HUMANS r doing to ourselves!

Have we become so blinded by material wants that we dun see those who suffers in our bid to attain what we want? Is being soooo powerful WORTH being hated by many? Is being "heard" so much more important then the lives of hundreds of innocents? Where will all this violence get us? Peace? Peace that comes at the expense of many being able to spend time with the ones they love? At the expense of taking the public transport, be it trains, planes, ships, without fear? At the expense of money that could have been spent on educating children, healing children, feeding children or whatever is beneficial to children? If this is so then I dun want peace.... %&@* those who claims to be the saviour of the world!