Outburst!

Sigh sometimes I wonder if I am ever maturing. I thought maybe work will force me to grow up...but NOPE apparently I DIDNT! As mentioned in my past entries....ok fine not blatantly mentioned but if you do read my entries frequently you will realise that I have crying episodes...or should I say outburst. These outburst can be about anything under the sun. It can be over something major, important, relavant OR it could be about something minor, unimportant or freaking irrelavant! I dun know why but sometimes out of the blue I just feel that nothing is going my way ... I get so frustrated and I just burst into tears. Another outburst occured over the weekend.

I tried to wake my darling up early so that we can go out. Dun ask me to do what...I seriously do not have a plan ...but I was thinking along the line of watching a movie and having dinner beyond the vicinity of the usual four walls. But I failed to do so...by the time he woke up and bathed it was like 5 plus ...and even then he was busy talking and smsing on the phone dealing with his events company. Oh which btw is holding a big event in July...will update you guys about it in another entry when I have more details. Ok sidetracked....now where was I ...oh ya that was when I just got sad. Keyword sad...NOT angry...I am not that unreasonable ok (anyone who thinks otherwise, dun bother commenting on this ....I DUN CARE). First of all I hv learn to accept tt he is tired due to his working hours and secondly becoz of this event that is coming up... obviously matters related to this have to come first. Like seriously I was just SAD. Sad that I didnt have enough time to go out with him coz when the clock strikes 1030 I will have to make my way home due to my ridiculous curfew of 11pm (Yes Yes I am 27 and I still have a curfew.... dun bother taunting me about it, I've gotten used to it). Me being me am not capable of hiding my emotions very well....they just simply show on my face...and when it showed my darling will of coz ask WHY. I didnt want to tell him at first coz I didnt want to ruin the rest of the day. But he bugged me and I started tearing and when he said he wont be angry.... I just blabbered.

Me: I'm just sad

Him: Why are you sad baby?

Me: Becoz we dun get to do stuff (even at this point the arguement sounded very logical to me)

Him: What stuff?

Me: We dun do anything, we dun go anywhere. Everytime we plan to watch movie it does not happen.

Him: Ok, so I woke up late but we are going out now wat...

Me: Ya but we dun do anything together (TRUST ME it STILL sounded logical in my head)

Him: We spent the past three days together (I am on holz so I get to meet him during the day before he goes to work)

Me: I know, I'm not angry, I understand you are tired, I'm just sad (STILL logical)

Him: Ok lah whatever (He walks away....)

Me: I'm sorry (Starting to reflect)

At this point he was already ignoring me. He wont even look at me. I tried saying sorry again but I was still tearing so I think that kind of annoyed him further so I decided to just play with the computer. Thats when it dawn on me.................WHY THE HELL WAS I CRYING ABOUT NOT GOING TO THE MOVIES? (This is when I realise the illogicalness of it all) As zar simply put....."That was dumb Ju...what the hell is wrong with you! You are acting like a kid who cannot get her toy!" NOT going out to watch movies is like the most smallest, minor, irrelavant, meazly problem that we will ever face in our relationship. If I allow myself to be brought down by this tini wini small matter... what the hell will bigger matters do to me??? Sigh! I dun know what the hell got into me that night me. I'm so sorry baby for putting you through that. I guess I am just being a brat. I dun know why or even understand why you love me but I hope this wont make you love me less...I hope I didnt cause you to loose faith in us... believe me when I say I really want us to work, I'll try to be stronger...I'll think less about nonsense and more of the substance ...I Love you.