What 'IS'

Life is like running a hurdles race. Every few metres in such a race you will meet a hurdle which you will have to jump over. Just like life...from time to time, you tend to meet a hurdle, a problem, an issue which you will have to overcome before you can go on with your life. If you are careful enough, you will jump over it and land on your feet. If you are not careful, you will land on your ass and it will hurt for awhile BUT the pain will soon go away and you will stand up and carry on running to complete the race.

There are also times whereby you barely make it over the hurdle... you somehow paced yourself badly, overestimate your ability, over think the issues at hand and when you make that jump, you stumble abit or alot BUT there is still a fifty percent chance that you STILL land on your feet. It is those times that you reflect upon how close you were to falling and how close you were to feeling the pain, the hurt. At the end, you learn to appreciate what you have more and try to never repeat the same mistakes again. However, sometimes you dun learn and you go through the same thing again, almost not make it again and you go PHEW! Nonetheless, the damage is done, you stumbled again, your confidence takes a dive, you loose your momentum and you just gonna have to work at it all over again.

Ok fine I am yaking, lets get straight to the point. Instead of looking at what is NOT, I should try my best to look at what IS. Still have no idea what the hell I am talking about? Aiya my relationship lah DUH!!! What else can I keep screwing up in? Oh ya I forgot.... I can screw up work too but hey so far its been good and I shall not ponder too much upon it as then I will probably start screwing up that too. So lets see what 'IS' in my current relationship:

If he does not love you Juju, he will not:

1. Say 'I love you' randomly
2. Say 'I miss you' randomly.
3. Calls during breaks and on the way to work. (This is of coz when I dun piss him off lah, but I have been doing that lately. Even I, myself wont call me when I am in my annoying mode).
4. End his smses (dun really happen much since he is not the kind who smses) and calls with 'luv you'-s.
5. Sends 3 loves everyday through tagged.
6. Put tons of pictures of the two of us on tagged and facebook not to mention 'I love you' captions.
7. Hold me after a quarrel even if I was in the wrong. (Me being me, I never know how to react to make things better. PLUS I hv the inability to express myself well and for him to be willing to hold me after a quarrel relives me of my fears and possibilities of loosing him and for that I am grateful).
8. Acknowledge rather than ignore my change in mood (He's pretty observant... ok make that very observant...hey thats another 'IS'!!! ... and the worse part is he always gets the brush off at the begining and yet he will not stop to find out what the hell is wrong with me).
9. He is observant ( He notice everything although most of the time he does not highlight them but he notice my habits, my routines and a whole load of other things about me... if he does not love me, then why bother remembering the small details about me)
10. Allow me to be myself and never judged me (Like I said we dun belong in the same world).
11. Advice me but never force me to accept his ideals.
12. Gets upset when he is forsaken. (I think... no no ...I KNOW... I disappointed him when I didnt turn up to visit him at his workplace as so I can watch him do his thing. I disappointed him again on the same night when I said I will turn up an hour before closing but due to my lack of response to my alarm clock, I failed to wake up on time. Which is something I always nagged at him about but I myself had to do JUST THAT).
13. STILL with me despite the knowledge of how tough things are going to get in the future. He even thinks of several solutions for our problems, though some are over the top but still they are solutions. AGAIN, if I mean nothing, why even bother trying to make it work.
14. Working on trying to build a future for the two of us....which can begin by making him more acceptable inthe eys of my mummy and daddy...I hope it goes well... and when it does...though it will still be tough ...its at least a silver lining!
15. Most of all, I think he is trying his best to juggle his ridiculous working hours (he is always tired from work... there were times I watch him battle to keep himself awake in the car. Juz wish I can do more to make is less tiring for him ), his life problems (shall not talk about this), his family (this is the usual meeting the expectations of parent), his social life with his friend (he has aaaaaaaaallllllooooooootttttt of friends some of which are very close to him and so when there are times that they somehow ruin my plans to spend time alone with him, I cant really blame my bf...coz how does one tell turn his close friends down...one can hint one can make subtle comments or gestures but if the other party dun catch it they simply dun), and his personal life with me (A gf who thinks ALOT and who leads the day life rather than the night life. A compromise frm me takes lesser effort as keeping awake is easier rather than trying to wake up after a long day at work).

So there... I am sure there are more and if I just STOP BEING FREAKING PESSIMISTIC and continue to focus on the positives rather than the negative and stop adding on to our relationship troubles which come to think of it is nothing much at the moment. But I have to say I do feel that its very difficult to remain in our world ...the world where we balance both the different lives that we lead. At the begining my life was overflowing too much into his. When he brought it up, we manged to get back into our world for awhile but currently I think it is happening all over again only this tilme I feel that it is the other way round. But I also know it cant be helped at the moment. On his side that is... he is working on it...in his own way...I may not like some or most of it but if I see that and I can sense that and if I ever want this to work I HAVE to keep reminding myself this. On my side I'll try my best not to loose myself. and when I can, I'll try to get him to balance things out again not though nagging not through illogical demands but through logic and sensibility. Sigh!