Leaving

The fear became real... he is leaving...leaving the country in less than a year. How in the world am I gonna handle that. I dun know but I guess I just gonna have to. He is not mine to hold back in the first place. Can I handle it? Hell Jubiez you dun have much of a choice. You didnt place demands on him nor did you restrict him nor did you even attempt to hold on to him. You let things get the way things are. You hoped but you never acted upon the hope for reasons you yourself cannot comprehen. Was it fear of rejection? Was it fear of commitment? Was it you knowing that he does not reciprocate the feelings you have for him? Its amazing how I can hide my feelings. When he broke the news...all I could conjure was a smile and even some words of encouragement. WHY Jubiez????!!! Why cant you juz bloody say out whats really in your head!?

If you leave, I wont see you

If I dun see you, I will miss you

If I miss you, I will be depress

If I am depress, I cant fuction

If I cant function...I am empty!

Ok Ok fine abit the too drama....but thats besides the point. The point here....I am in love with someone who is not in love with me. I allowed myself to drift and now I am gonna get uber hurt coz when he leaves....there is no turning back ...he will be gone, out of sight....out of my life...HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA DEAL WITH THAT! FUCK!